Memory Defrag

Track 3

Recording B

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The data transitioned to the next phase.

My retinas reflected the Azekawa Family living room where I was developed and spent my early days. 

“You’re so annoying, damn old man!” Kinari shouted.

18 years old – the same appearance for which my model was based upon.

He wore a high school uniform with a fierce expression.

“What is with your language, Kinari!” 

The Developer’s voice was also strained as he responded back.

“Where did you go instead of your hospital visit? You must go in today for an exam!” 

“Why do I have to go to the gloomy hospital day after day. It’s not like if I go I’m going to get any better!” 

“Don’t you understand that it’s for your own good!?”

A fiercely painful shout overflowed within the Developer’s heart. 

A feeling of overwhelming worry. An unresolvable unease.

The unhelpable frustration towards a rebellious son who one-sidedly ignores those feelings in his heart. 

“Whatever, I have plans to go to karaoke with my friends today. So, I’ll go to the hospital tomorrow.” 

“For the likes of karaoke…” 

“If I’m going to die tomorrow, I might as well have been doing what I love!” 

The Kinari that I viewed through the eyes of the Developer was like a burning flame.

It was a blazing, blue flame.

At the very least, that was how the Developer saw it. That piece of the memory was transmitted.

Even while enveloped in death, a fierce, roaring existence. 

Intense emotion and the glimmer of will existed in Kinari. 

The Developer was overpowered by that force.

“If I’m going to die anyway, I’ll die singing.” 

After Kinari spit out those words, he left the house.

The Developer fell to his knees in that spot, and covered his face with one hand.

“Kinari…”

I’ll let you sing forever. I will find a way to let you sing forever no matter what. 

I felt the Developer’s heart tremble. 

In the midst of despair knowing that it was surely impossible… The will of no matter what it takes,  I’ll finish the medical treatment method to extend his life and make him a singer reverberated forth.

Did Kinari know what his Father felt? 

For an Android like myself, that answer is unclear.

What I do know is the Developer’s firm resolve was in vain and his hopes never came true.

I realized that at the most important moment, my timing is always too late. 

That’s probably how life is…

Unexpectedly, in a corner of my Memory Drive, the Developer’s words that I had heard once before resurrected with a flicker. 

My vision went black. 

Somewhere, there’s the sound of rain.

In the darkness, with the dim light of a streetlamp from the window, in the middle of grayness, was a crouching crying Kinari.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much! 

This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair!  

Kinari was swirling in a whirlwind of overwhelming emotion to the point of insanity.   

Why do I have to die? Of course I want to live.

Kinari’s cry was lost in the sound of the rain.

Whose memory is this?

The Developer? Could it be Kinari?

The feeling of “I want to live” more than anything else was strong, fierce, and intense and set his heart ablaze with a ferocity that could turn his physical body to charcoal.

I understood that.

When the picture disappeared from my retinas, my consciousness floated into haziness. 

This is half awake mode.

“Would you like to suspend Sleep Mode?”

“Would you like to continue Data Inspection?” 

Leaving the message box that popped up without a response, I reflected on the emotions I had experienced from the video I had just seen.

What could this feeling be?

There was something floating in my heart.

I will think for a while.

This heaviness, coldness, this sharp feeling is probably… Sadness. Bittersweetness. Helplessness.

It’s probably something close to those words.

Why did the original reject going to the hospital?

A brief glimpse of doubt. 

He had fiercely wanted to live.

If I think about it logically, going to the hospital should increase the chance of survival.

Was thinking he wanted to live or the words of wanting to die while singing his true feelings?

Raito has a part of him that resembles this too.

I remember.

Raito, in the beginning after receiving his death prophecy, had taken actions of jumping into his death although he did not want to die. 

Humans do not live putting emphasis on rationality.

Humans take action from feelings and desires, that earnest something called aspiration.

I still cannot understand it completely.

But right now, there is emotion floating in my heart.

If the me of now was able to have a vicarious experience of my past memories, how would I have reacted?

Would that be another way to nurture sensitivity? 

While overwriting and closing the new data from the viewing, I answered the message box.

“Would you like to suspend Sleep Mode?”

No.

“Would you like to continue Data Inspection?” 

Yes.

And thus, this time I opened the past data I myself had stored in my Memory Drive.

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